The Defining Decade - Book Reccomendation
Oh, to be in your twenties. There will never be a part of life quite like this decade. For many, it means their final years of college, first years in the real world, the years where the railroad tracks and checkpoints once common in one’s life path disappears. In a sense, we’re dropped into the ocean of life and must decide for ourselves what goals we will swim toward. In The Defining Decade, Dr. Meg Jay addresses the uncertainty virtually all 20 somethings feel, and how to use that to their advantage and make this decade… defining.
Jay breaks down her book into 3 central subject areas for definition, Work, Love, and Life. Each section touching on profoundly simple understandings for each crucial aspect of the human experience to be applied to one’s daily life. As a clinical psychologist, Jay introduces countless examples from her own clients throughout the years touching on each individual understanding she then communicates to the reader. The use of her client’s stories coerces a sense of comfort in the reader toward Jay’s words. Instead of feeling lectured by a PhD’s deep knowledge, the reader finds a sense of connection and ease to the stories told and lessons learned. It is truly a read for absolutely anyone, especially those in their 20s, regardless on where they are in the decade.
As a consumer of psychology, self development, and philosophy literature, I pay close attention to the research and scientific examples given throughout a book. Jay does a phenomenal job integrating complex personal concepts into a digestible read. For example, Jay touches on the concept of Identity Capital: the repertoire of our individual resources that we assemble over time. Jay compels the reader to spend time in an introspective state, giving them-self credit for how much they’ve already accomplished and built. It’s concepts like this that cause the reader to reflect on their past, find satisfaction in the present, and look toward the future with goals for the next additions to their capital. This, and numerous other complex concepts provide an added depth of personal understanding to the reader. One can’t help but close the book pondering the new topic they read about that day.
How does one live their twenties “right?” Jay allows the reader to develop their own definition of what their “right” is. An individual’s twenties are defining for reasons completely different than the person next to them. Regardless of the weight Jay places on the importance of these years, there exists an optimistic blanket over the entire text. This decade is crucial, something Jay never forgets to mention. This belief stems from Jay’s dream of assisting all young adults to work toward personal fulfillment and ultimate happiness through taking advantage of these years. Jay is a kind psychologist and author, and provides a warmth through her writing that inspires action from her readers, such as ones like me writing a book review about that very writing.
I suggest this book to absolutely everyone of all ages. This literature will inspire positive change in anyone’s life. It’s a relatively quick read, very digestible, and is something you can bring into any conversation.
Notable Quotables - The Defining Decade
“Goals direct us from the inside, but “shoulds” are paralyzing judgments from the outside.”
“Sometimes, the best way to help people is to slow them down long enough to examine their own thinking… shining a light on those mental ellipses.”
“Life stories with themes of ruin can trap us. Lief stories that are triumphant can transform us.”
“20 somethings who use their brains by engaging with good jobs and real relationships are learning the language of adulthood when their brains are primed to learn it.”
“Real confidence comes from mastery experiences… actual, lived moments of success, especially when things seem difficult.”
